For Adoptive Parents
The following are the most common questions that are frequently
asked by prospective adoptive
parents. Please note that these
answers do not constitute legal
advice, and you should seek the
advice of an attorney in your birth
mother’s
state of residence. Adoption Choices
of Oklahoma has a list of referral attorneys available
in each state to answer your questions.
1. What do you mean by “semi-open” adoption?
When you are first presented to a birth mother, we tell her basic
information about you - first names, ages, religion, general occupation, etc.
We do not disclose your last name, address, or phone number without your express
permission first. After you meet your birth mother, it is up to you to decide
how comfortable you are with her as to how much information you reveal.
Our agency believes semi-open adoption is the best way to allow
communication between the birth mother and adoptive couple without invading
anyone’s comfort zone. Letters, photos, and small gifts may be sent between parties
through our agency. This allows us to maintain confidentiality of your last name
and address, along with the confidentiality of the birth mother. As we receive letters and photos for the birth
mother, we make copies of the letters to put in our file, and then send the letter and pictures on to the recipient.
2. How long does it take from the time of being placed on the active list to being
matched with a birth mother?
We average about six to eight months until being matched. This
time frame is not a guarantee of course, and in some cases may take more or less time. If you have been on our list much longer than six months, we might
want to review your profile to determine if changes should be made in the way you
are representing yourselves.
3. When do we come to the placing state?
As part of our approval process, it is necessary for you to
come to the placing agency for a personal interview and to meet your birthmother.
You can set up this interview whenever you are ready. Our schedule is generally
pretty flexible, but we do not do interviews on weekends or after 4:00 o’clock p.m.
4. Do we have to sign the contract before we meet the birth mother or birth parents?
Yes. If for any reason you decided not to proceed with the
situation from that first meeting, or the birth mother does not like you, we void the contract and refund any funds you have deposited .
5. How long will we need to stay in the birth mother’s state after our initial
meeting?
You may stay as long as you wish. Some couples spend the
weekend so as to be able to spend more time with the birth mother and her family
(if that is her situation). Some are only able to come for that day.
6. Can we talk to our birth mother on the phone before meeting with her?
If you wish to speak over the telephone prior to the actual
meeting, you must sign your contract and fax it to us first.
7. Why would the birth mother need housing and/or living subsidy and what kind
of assistance will we need to provide?
Some birth mothers need housing because they do not want anyone
to know of the pregnancy while others may be struggling with finances to support
themselves and/or family. Living expenses provided to birth mothers are approved by a Court order and all funds are paid to third party providers thru the agency. Typical statutory allowed expenses include but are not limited to: rent, utilities, food, sundries, transportation expenses clothing and medical expenses. Not all birth mothers will need all of these items and all expenses allowed are based on the needs of the mother. Therefore, each adoption will have different living expense for the birth mother during the pregnancy and post partum.
8. What percentage of the money is refundable?
If your adoption should fail, the agency fee will be rolled over
and held until you are matched with another birth mother or you may ask for a refund of any monies not used according to your contract. The monies at risk are
living expenses, attorney fees, at risk agency fees, court costs, mailing costs, copies, and case worker fees. Any fees that have been deposited but not actually used would be returned to you if you chose not to have funds rolled over to another adoption. .
9. What percentage of birth mothers change their minds?
About twenty percent of our birth mothers change their minds, usually
at the time of delivery. Our agency prides itself on the fact that our social
workers are there for our birth mothers to help them throughout their pregnancy.
We accompany them to doctor appointments, help them with transportation, counseling, etc. We
work very hard to build a relationship with them. We offer counseling to all
of our girls, but even if they don’t accept it, they have a social worker they
can call twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. We feel that this helps
us stay in touch with how the birth mother is feeling about the adoption, and
if it looks like she may be having doubts, we are aware of it and can help her
deal with that decision.
10. When does the birth mother’s consent take place?
Typically, t he birth mother gives consent to the adoption in front of a judge within one or two days
after being released from the hospital. if she is married, her husband consents
at the same time. The consents are irrevocable from that point on.
The only exception is when a birth mother is a member of a Native
American Indian tribe and the child is elgible to be enrolled in the tribe. If so, she must wait ten days after delivery to give her
consent, and she can revoke it up until the final decree is entered.
11. What is the law concerning Native American (American Indian) heritage?
Can a tribe legally take the baby away after the adoption has already been
finalized? Do you need to know if we have Native American Indian in our
background?
If a birthparent has Native American Indian in his or her
background and names a tribe, we must notify the tribe of her intention to place
the infant for adoption, and requesting that they provide us with a letter of
non-intervention. As soon as we know of this situation we write to the tribe
immediately, even if it’s prior to delivery. Failure to ask for tribal permission
can result in the tribe overruling an adoption, even if it has been finalized. It
is extremely important to acquire their permission if the child is tribally
affiliated. We would like to know if you do have this in your background because
we would be able to inform the Indian Counsel and let them know we had a couple for
the baby.
12. What happens if the birth father will not consent?
In most situations, the birth father does not consent.
This does not mean that he plans to contest the adoption or is against it.
In many cases, he just does not want to be involved, or he is afraid
that by signing papers he is admitting paternity and possibly committing
himself to child support if the mother decides to parent the child.
In Oklahoma, if the birth father is not married to the birth mother,
he may sign an Extrajudicial Consent at any time prior to the birth, voluntarily
relinquishing his rights to the child. The consent is then filed with the Paternity
Registry, and he has fifteen days during which he can revoke his consent. To do so,
he must notify the Paternity Registry in writing.
If the birth father will not sign the consent, we must wait until the
baby is born to terminate his rights. We have to set a hearing before the judge and
serve notice of the hearing on him at least fifteen days prior to the hearing date.
If we do not know where he is, we must have a process server attempt to locate him.
If the process server is unsuccessful, then the judge will allow us to publish the
notice of hearing in the paper. If the birth father does not appear in court on
the day of the hearing, his rights are terminated at that time.
In some situations where the birth father has not agreed to consent,
but does not appear to want to contest the adoption, we will serve him with a
Notice of Plan for Adoption and Response to Notice of Plan for Adoption. The
response form gives him several options, such as: Admitting paternity but
relinquishing his rights, and waiving further notice; denying paternity, as well as asking to be notified of a termination proceeding. He must
then file his response with the Paternity Registry by either mailing it directly
to the Registry or to our office. He has thirty days after the date of being
served with the Notice in which to file his response. If he fails to respond,
his rights may be terminated
What if the birth father wants to contest the adoption for any reason?
He must show the court that he supported the birth mother
throughout the pregnancy. He can request DNA testing to prove he is the father,
which he will have to pay for. He will also have to retain an attorney to
represent him. (If this happens on your case, seek legal advise from an attorney)
14. What is ICPC
ICPC is the Interstate Compact for the Placement of Children.
Every state has an ICPC office, and all adoptions conducted between two different
states must be approved by each participating state’s Compact Administrator. In
Oklahoma, the ICPC office is located in Tulsa, and they charge a fee of $250.00 for
every case coming into or going out of Oklahoma. However, they guarantee a
twenty-four hour turnaround when a packet is complete. After the birth mother has
given her consent to the adoption, we put together a packet of all the documents
filed in the case, such as the consent documents, background information on the birth
parents and the adoptive couple, medical discharge records for the baby, home study,
etc. This packet is sent to the Compact office, where the Administrator reviews it
to be sure we have followed all of the proper procedures and laws for our state.
When they have given their approval, they send the packet to the ICPC office in your
home state, where it is again reviewed by the administrator there. When your state’s
administrator has reviewed the packet, he or she will telephone the Oklahoma Compact
office and give a verbal approval for you to travel. The Oklahoma administrator will
call our office, and we will call you at your hotel. Until we have received this verbal
approval from your state’s administrator, you are not allowed to take the baby out of
the State of Oklahoma. How long this process takes varies from state to state. By law,
each state has thirty days to approve a placement, however, in most cases the process
takes approximately one week.
15. What is the process of discharging the baby?
The baby will be discharged in the agency’s custody. When
leaving the hospital, the baby is normally handed to the person there representing
our agency. After this, you will have physical custody of the baby and will be
able to take the baby back to the hotel with you if you are awaiting ICPC. If you live in Oklahoma, you may then take the child home..
16. Will we need a car seat, clothing, formula, etc. for when the baby is
discharged from the hospital?
You will need a car seat for the baby during your stay. We also
recommend you bring whatever outfit you would like for the baby to be discharged
in. After all, those hospital outfits just aren’t cute enough! When it comes to
the formula, ask the nurse in the nursery what the baby has been using and if he
or she seems to be taking to it. Some hospitals will give you plenty of samples
to take with you, others may give you the brand name so you can purchase some
prior to discharge.
17. Who pays the medical and hospital bills for the birth mother and the baby?
Most of our birth mothers are on Medicaid, which covers the
expenses for the birth mother. The adoptive couple are responsible for any
expenses that are not covered by insurance or Medicaid. If a girl is unable to
get Medicaid and does not have insurance, then the adoptive couple pays the
medical bills.
By federal law, the adoptive couple’s insurance company must cover
the baby. Please send the Temporary Custody Placment Agreement to your health insurance right away after birth. Generally this document is all you need to provide to your insurance company.
However, if your insurance company balks at covering the baby, we will help you deal with
them. As insurance coverage varies from person to person, no guarantees are made by the agency or it's employees that insurance coverage will apply to the birth of the child. Therefore, the adoptive parents will be responsible for covering any charges for the child if their insurance does not cover the child's initial birth hospital bills.
18. Will a social worker visit our home between the time we receive
the baby and the finalization?
Yes. Our agency requires three post placement visits before you
finalize your adoption, one of which must be done in person in your home. There
is no set time frame, as long as the three visit are completed within six months.
Generally we suggest that you schedule your first visit as soon as you return home with
your baby, your second visit around 2 1/2 to 3 months, and your third visit around 5 months.
However, if the laws of your state allow you finalize sooner than six months, you may
schedule the visits closer together to fit the appropriate time frame. Please have your home study professional contact the agency after birth with any questions on post placement reports
19. How long does it take to finalize the adoption?
This varies depending on the state and it’s laws. Oklahoma waits
for six months after placement. Please check with the attorney that you have hired to finalize your adoption in your home state to answer this question.
20. What happens the day we go to court to finalize the adoption?
You meet with the attorney prior to going into court. This
could take place in his or her office, the courtroom, or the judge’s chambers.
The judge will have already reviewed the files, and the attorney will ask you some
questions in front of the judge. The judge may or may not ask you both some
questions. He will want to verify that this is final judgment and confirm that
to raise this child is what you want to do and make this child a permanent part
of your lives.
21. Does the baby come with us to the finalization?
Yes!
22. May anyone come with us to the finalization? (Grandparents, aunts, friends)?
Yes, we do understand that this is a happy event. We ask that
you notify your attorney ahead of time as to who will be attending. You will need to remember that
the birth mother and birth fathers name will be said aloud so you may want to have
them wait outside of the courtroom if you do not want them to know all of the
details of the case. We must have the Judge’s permission prior to the court time
and not all Judges will allow someone else in the courtroom.
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